There is Nothing
by EmiEmi96
Summary: You can't do this any more... There is no DETERMINATION...
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, I am still alive to all those wondering where I have been for the last 3 years or something.** **:)**

A burning pain thrashed through your skull as a cry woke you as you lie sprawled out on the harsh flower bed.

You look around, your distorted vision darkened as blood splattered all over the place, flashing lights of red black and white coursed through your eyes. A pile of golden flowers glared up at you. They were disappointed. The stained, red flickers on their petals shone from the faint light radiating from the top of the mountain.

Why were you still alive?

You failed again.

"Oh my! My child, are you alright?" It sounded... almost motherly.

Just the tone of that voice made you want to hurl. 'Shut up', you thought to yourself as you failed to hit the ground with your fist in rage.

She gasped, quickly scrambling to gather you in her arms, uncaring about the blood washing over both of you.

"Don't touch me," you growled out, flailing your arms around. "Get off!" You screamed louder, throwing yourself back onto the ground with a louder 'THUD'.

You cradled your arms defensively to hide the bleeding. She took a step closer. You shook violently, glaring at her threateningly.

She took another step and you followed in suit, but ended up stumbling backwards in response. She quickly picked up you again, despite your protests and held you in a tight embrace. You cried and tried to push her away in desperation.

"DON'T FUCKING COME NEAR ME!" You tried headbutting her, kicking, but in the end, you just collapsed into her. Giving into her determination.

You really couldn't stop being a failure, could you?

She felt quite soft, her warm embrace made you freeze up when she pressed against your fresh wounds.

Time seemed to drag on slowly as she carried you on her shoulders exhaustively. Your eyes wandered along ground that trailed and shook with each step. She was… quite tall, you noticed while watching her purple dress trace the concrete floor.

You awoke again, but this time there was no blood, no flowers and no pain – well slightly less pain than usual. You frantically check your pockets. 'It's still there,' you breathe out in relief and let your arms fall down to your sides, throwing back your head onto the soft pillows below you.

The door handle turned, your eyes perk up, but you refused to move.

"Child are you awake?"

…

There was a quiet mumble in return which led to a short smile forming on her face. "I am Toriel," she introduced herself. "Caretaker of the ruins."

She awaited a response whilst closing the door and sitting down on the bed along with you. "And what might your name be, my child?"

You really didn't like that. "Don't call me that. My name…" you stuttered, trying to find the correct response. "My name is Frisk." You couldn't look her in the eyes, but just sank further down under the blankets. She raised what seemed to be some food that Toriel had brought in for you.

"Frisk… that's a wonderful name." You could see her smile falter in the corner of your eyes. "I've made some butterscotch pie. I wasn't sure whether or not you liked cinnamon… or butterscotch."

"I'm not hungry." You had gotten used to not eating. You normally go days without eating and starving yourself was all just a part of the plan.

"Oh." Toriel paused. "That's quite alright, my child. I'll leave it on the table for you if you change your mind." Alas, she placed the seemingly tantalising pie on the table and left the room, silently closing the door behind her.

You took a look around the room, there was a picture of a family. It looked like… Toriel, a taller, larger male monster and what looked to be their child. However, there was a human child next to them. Smiles plastered their faces; they looked happy. They had their arms around each other, the picture taken at the point where they had been giggling.

Was this what it was like to have a family?

It had been a week since Toriel had found you lying in your pool of blood. Every day for a few hours she would stay in the basement. You don't know why, but you didn't really care to ask.

Instead, you followed your routine. Slipping away from the book Toriel had given her to read on monster history, you tip-toe down the hallway, past the basement stairs to the bathroom. Just like every day while you've been here, except maybe the first, you pull the pocket knife out of your slightly-baggy jeans and sit by the door.

It wasn't a cry for help. It wasn't a cry for attention. You didn't want this, but you had to have it. You deserved it and you knew it. Everyone knew it. You just couldn't wait for the day you die.

You dig the knife under your skin, picking at old wounds which had started to heal, slicing shallow cuts on your arms and thighs. They were just high enough into your sleeve for nobody to even notice.

Fuck, it was painful. Three more cuts. You decided that shallow wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for the pain you've caused for Toriel in this past week. Every day she'd look at with a disappointed look on her face – disappointment and pity. But why? Did she know? Shaking your head, you dismiss your thoughts, yet another distraction.

By now, your legs and arms were bleeding quite badly onto the tiles below. You did more cuts than you wanted to do. 'Oh well', you sighed. Without hesitation, you cleaned up the blood. At least it wasn't carpet… but who has a carpet floor in their bathroom, right?

You sat back down against the door, your eyelids slowly closing, falling into a blissful sleep. You forgot to patch up the wounds.

"My child?" It's that same voice again. "Are you okay?" It called out again.

You quickly jumped up, almost falling back down again, grabbing the door handle to stabilise yourself, but almost nearly pulling it open for Toriel to see the blood that once again emerged from the fresh wounds.

"I-I… I'll be out in a minute."


	2. Chapter 2

You scraped yourself from the floor and quickly wrapped your leg in thin bandages, then proceeded to wipe down the tiles with tissues and leftover bandages from the cabinet. Flushing the toilet afterwards to clear up any suspicion, you sluggishly open the door, poking your head out of the opening.

"Yes?" You asked, seemingly annoyed at her. You were quite a rude person, to be honest, but you didn't mean anything bad by it. Nor did you care. It really is just how you are.

"I am preparing more pie for dinner."

"Oh, pie again," you deadpanned.

"Is something the matter, dear child?" She was confused.

"No. Nothing's wrong." You didn't really care about making a scene since all you'd do is pick and poke at the food until Toriel disappears. Then you'd throw it away either in the bin or to the hungry Froggits outside.

Slipping away from the table, then to the window, that's what you do. Scraping the plate outside as the Froggits swarm the outside window, soundlessly munching on the remains of the pie you refused to eat. They sprinted off afterwards with trails of crumbs following them as they hopped and jumped away cheerily.

You took your attention away from the window and turned to face Toriel after hearing her sneakily walking towards you. She smiled at you. You didn't return anything.

"I want to go out," you stated, miserably, making her smile falter and twitch.

"My child," she whispered. "You know how dangerous it is out there…"

"I don't care. I'm just bored of this."

"Of what?"

"Being stuck inside all day, you get to leave all the time… the basement."

"No, Frisk–"

"What's in the basement?" You stood up straight, balling your fists and drawing blood, demanding for an answer. There was complete silence while Toriel struggled to find her words. You weren't patient. Knocking her over, you darted towards the basement, along the floor and – lock? – jumping over the handrail instead, you toppled down the rest of the stairs as you landed right in front of a colossal, violet door. It had rusted over slightly and held a malevolent tint to its purple coat.

"Ow…" You rubbed your arms and your thighs as searing pain burned through your cuts. Toriel came running behind you, calling your name multiple times, and begging you to stop.

"My child," she panted hard. "You must not leave… if you do… if you want to leave, you'll have to prove to me that you can handle yourself."

"Why?" You glared into her eyes, they were blank with fear as you did so. Your eyes held no remorse in them.

She was aghast. She teared up, holding her chest. "My child, I love you. So please, go back upstairs."

"If you really did, you'd let me pass." You said it. There was no going back; you were sure to punish yourself for that later.

"Don't say that…" Toriel bowed her head to hide the tears. "…not even a single child." She stormed past you, leaving you bewildered as glistening tears gently fell to the floor.

A bright light captures your vision as you heave the rusted, violet doors open. A red coat of dust seeps from your hands as you hold a weary stick in your hand, washing it around in the blank snow beneath your feet.

It wasn't her blood, it was yours. It trickled down from your sleeves as you changed the bandage for the third time this morning. You weren't really sure what Toriel was going to do now, but that she said she told you not to worry, or even call – so then you took your chance to escape. You couldn't fight her. You couldn't kill her. You couldn't bear to see the heartbreak in her eyes as she watched her child disappear from her again.

"I… let her down again…" You whispered to yourself as your voice evaporated to the harsh, winter wind.

You trudge forwards through the thick snow, picking some of it up and letting it melt to wash off the blood on your hands.

 _CRACK!_

You stopped and froze, shudders crawling on your back. Eyes widened, you lose grip on the stick you once held loosely and heard a deep growl behind you.

"Human…don't you know how to greet a new pal?"

Silence.

Its shadow loomed over you, degrading you and making you shrink down further into the snow. His glare bore holes into the back of your skull.

"Turn around and shake my hand," the voice demanded, but you stood still.

Without thinking, you stumble to quickly pick the stick back up, then turn around in a defensive pose. Hands shaking. The figure in front of you held a smug grin – as if he were chuckling to himself. You hated it. It really pissed off you. His eye sockets held no glint; no glare until he laughed.

His eye sockets lit up with thin white dots. "You really don't scare me, kid." A fierce snapping sound emitted from the wooden object as a blue aura surrounded it and launched it far away.

Startled, a sweat bead rolls down your temple as you take in the skeleton's frightening appearance. "I'm Sans." He winked, noticing your stammering. "C'mon kid, don't leave a pal hangin'." The figure reached out his bony, skeletal hands and you watched cautiously as they grew closer and closer. There was something on his hand.

"Leave me alone," you warned, tilting your head to face the ground as you broke off into a run. He stared back towards you as you sprinted, then appeared right before in a flicker of blue which made you slide along the snow and finally bump into his chest.

He was quite a bit taller than you, maybe about 7 inches, but the distance seemed far greater as he looked down upon you menacingly.

He tightly snatched your arm and lifted it up, observing the blood on the hem of your sleeve. You tried to resist his grasp as you attempt to pry your arm away from him. It didn't work. He wasn't impressed, especially after started rolling down your sleeve. Sans released an unbelievable sigh.

"Kid… why…?"

The skeleton's grip loosened, this was your chance! You broke free of his arm and forcefully pushed him aside as you ran towards the bridge. Grappling the rope that held the bridge, you heard a "NO, STOP!" behind you. Brushing off his cries you threw yourself over… smiling as tears fells with you into the white abyss.


	3. Chapter 3

Your eyes cracked open and you groaned as if you were in serious pain. Well, you were about a minute go. Your vision was hazy, but your memory was still crystal clear. You died. Your legs were numb, mostly from sitting in the frozen snow, but they ached _real bad._ A sharp pain pulsated through your body as you tried to stand up, collapsing again and not even bothering to try get back up.

You heard footsteps echoing towards you. You lifted your head out of the snow to check the source and wearily opened your eyes once more. Your vision was still fuzzy, though that didn't stop you from distinguishing the irritated skeleton walking towards you.

"Heya." You couldn't move, no matter how desperately you tried. You could see your soul emanating from your chest – it glowed an ominous cobalt as you were planted into the ground.

A blue aura, a lighter blue than the one that encompassed your soul, surrounded you and held you tightly in place. You were lifted up as Sans held out his arm, moving his arm upwards as a gesture to raise you up.

The expression on his face… he was really not impressed. One of his eye sockets was black, and the other had a flicker of blue and yellow in it. He set you down and you took a step back, speechless, before he grabbed you even tighter than last time. It was excruciating, especially as he accidentally dug his bony fingers into the cuts that decorated all up your arm. You seethed and grimaced as you despised being touched.

"Stop…" you whimpered weakly. He let go as he saw your pained expression and stumbled backwards. He didn't mean to hurt you.

"Oh, sorry," he whispered. "So," he changed the subject, "you died and came back right here."

It took you a moment to realise that you were right back at the ruins entrance, right before you originally met Sans. What was even stranger was that he remembered you, even though you've gone back to before you met Sans.

"Why'd you do it, kid?"

Still speechless as the heavy weight of your blue coloured soul tried to force you to the ground.

"Why did you jump off the bridge?" He interrogated, this time more slowly and more irked.

"I don't want to be alive," you breathed out, refusing to even get a glimpse of his menacing eyes.

"Sorry, kid. I'm not gonna let that happen." He took a step forward. "Just come with me, I-I can help you." Then another one. "Please, kid. Don't do this to yourself." And another one. His words caught you off guard, why did he care? Finally, he reached you and wrapped an arm around you, dragging you back to reality out of your daze. You tried to protest, however a blue aura surrounded you once again as he hoisted you up onto his shoulder. You wanted to scream, you wanted to fight.

Everything around you changed within an instant. The blue aura disappeared, and your body felt light, there was no weight dragging down your soul. You expected a harsh landing, except… the area around you was soft… From the sudden movement, you violently coughed as your head spun like crazy. Darkness invaded your vision as you were enveloped with a dark, warm haven.

Your eyes opened, revealing an exhausted hazel. Pushing yourself up, you turn to look around the unfamiliar surroundings and found you were met with an absolute disaster. You tried to move. Nothing. As you became more aware, you remembered what happened. But where were you?

There was a weight on your arms and as you surveyed your immediate area, you realised you were wrapped up in a blue jacket with long, skeletal arms embracing you from behind. There was light snoring. He was sleeping? This could be your chance to go…

You tugged your arms lightly, but he wouldn't let go. You tried to slide your arms out - that seemed to work. Making sure to stop every so often to listen to Sans' breathing, you then started to unzip the coat every so often. The loud and painstaking zip noise frightened you whenever you stopped hearing the light snoring. You weren't sure if he were going to wake up any mo-

"You're up," Sans called behind you. _Fuck._

His grip tightened back over your arms. "You're not going anywhere, kid. I have a few questions for you."

Everything changed again. This time you were sat around a table with some hot chocolate sat in front of you. Sans' jacket was still tightly wrapped around you and your arms, but the skeleton was now sat on the opposite end of the table.

"So," Sans started. White pupils starting right into your soul. "Let's start off simple." He wanted to give you the mercy you didn't deserve. "What's your name, kid?"

"…None of your business." You tried to remain cool without looking at him, instead you gazed down at the swirls that seemed worlds away from your reach.

He kept staring at you and it made you feel very… uncomfortable.

Time just kept passing without you or Sans saying a word. You couldn't deal with it any more. "Frisk." Your voice cracked up.

"I'm sorry, what?"

You cleared your throat, still not looking up at him. "My name is Frisk," you admitted again. You played around with the cut wounds, trying to open them with your nails under the protection and isolation of the ocean blue jacket.

"Frisk, heh." He winked at you, you couldn't really interpret what he meant by it. "What are you doing in the underground?" His tone was now stone cold.

"I don't know," you lied through your teeth and rolled your eyes. Sans responded with a heavy sigh.

"Strike one," he counted, holding up one finger.

You fiddled with your hands under the colossal, yet tight jacket. "I got lost and fell," you lied once more.

"Strike two, kiddo."

Perplexed, you pondered what the consequences would be. "And what's strike three supposed to be?"

He winked, silently, not answering the question.

"I," you started, weighing your options. What could he do to you that would possibly make things worse for you? Kill you? Hopefully. But maybe, he'd let you go if you answered it right. He's a monster after all. Why should he care?

You closely observed the expression on his face. He was really pissed off at you. "I.." Working up another lie, you fell chills crawling all the way down your back…

"I jumped. I wanted to die." You gasped in shock, did you really just tell him? His expression went from pissed to concern in a matter of seconds as you released your last statement. You knew you'd fucked up somewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

**I have no excuses for the lateness of this chapter, but I'm determined to finish this story so I can go back to obsessing over FFXV for the rest of my life.**

 **Apparently this chapter literally exploded when I put it up, it should be fixed now...**

* * *

You saw the expression on his face. He was horrified… his eyes had turned to an abyssal black. He sighed with his shoulders lowering sluggishly.

"Why?" He asked, sounding like he was losing hope.

The chills you had once felt disappeared – at least he wasn't so pissed off any more, you thought to yourself. You wouldn't answer him, although you didn't feel like you needed to.

"Kiddo," he reminded you to answer, all the while his eyes never leaving your small form. He slammed his fists on the table and startled you by doing so, quivering as an aftershock. You kept looking at the ground, determined not to answer. Why should you answer him? He doesn't know you.

He gave up, not wanting to press for an answer any more. He could see the agony in your eyes as you remembered your reason for ending up here. The only question is why you're here. Why you're still alive. "I'm worried," he started, but you broke through his words and cut him off.

"No, you don't." Anger seethed out of your voice. "You don't care and neither do I. Nobody does, you only care about your guilty conscience of what will happen now that you're involved. Stay out of it."

You felt his grip weaken around you and took the opportunity to burst out of his hold. You made a quick dash to the door. He weakly spoke, "you don't remember… do you?" You listened to his soft-spoken words. All the rage in his voice had disappeared, you felt relieved, however a heavy feeling pressed itself against your heart like a weight.

This feeling wasn't the skeleton's doing. Your mouth cracked open a little, you wanted to ask what he meant by that. Remember what? What were you supposed to remember? You brushed it off and slowly pressed down on the handle, giving a quick glance at the monster around the table.

There's no way he knows you, right? Guilt seeped its way into your heart which was then banished out by an irking thought. This is your first time here, did he really pretend to know you… or even get mixed up with someone else? Besides, if he did, then why did he ask you for your name?

"All these questions and no answers. Who cares…" You silently mumbled to yourself as your foot entered the frozen town of Snowdin. God, it's so cold… Guess I'll just freeze to death, you half-joked to yourself.

The snow beneath you crackled and sparkled as you took a step almost like magic. You let your eyes fly for a moment as you followed a snowflake that landed perfectly on your nose. You shivered, folding your arms over each other as you tried to warm yourself up. Your breaths came out ragged and rough as you sped up, kicking the thick snow underneath you.

You fell, tripping over your feet as you cried silently into the snow. Why were you crying? You couldn't feel anything before, so why now? You could feel the fierce cold burning its way into your cheeks along with your silent tears.

Nobody was around.

Nothing was around.

You had long disappeared from the town and any civilisation.

You looked for something, anything, scraping away at the snow. Something to dull the pain – a distraction. Something to make you feel Human again. You nearly gave up until your hand brushed against something sharp and smooth and pulling out the object you brushed away the snow as though it were dust. Broken glass, albeit it only being a small shard, your heart sank a little bit further. You were on your knees, hunched over this sharp weapon and held it along your arm. Oh how pathetic you must have looked, you thought to yourself as you gave out a fake laugh.

You closed your dark, hazel eyes and pressed deep into what seemed to be scar tissue as you fell over onto the floor with the glass lodged far into the cut. Crimson started to slowly seep out as you pulled out the glass in a painstakingly slow manner and dragged it further down as you did so. Before long, the snow itself had turned into a pool of red.

Your eyes were starting to close, but you fought back the darkness at the corners of your eyes when you heard panicked footsteps grow louder and louder, thumping across the ground. Someone was getting closer.

"Frisk…" You heard a loud gasp as a figure frantically darted over to you, pulling you over onto your back. The shadowy figure held you in a warm embrace as you drifted off to sleep.

You mumbled incoherently, not even knowing what you were actually trying to say before the darkness claimed your vision and your veins ran icy cold.

Is this what it feels like… to finally die?


End file.
